The Top 16 Signs Your Fast Food Order Has Been Outsourced

16> You’re surprised and delighted to hear perfect, accent-free
English.

15> Your Happy Meal now comes with total enlightenment.

14> “Would you prefer steamed monkey brains or fried blubber
with that?”

13> The order-taker asks if you want fries and to help his
foreign minister move $30 million out of his country.

12> “This is K!gxg — can I take your order, unsuspecting
earthling?”

11> The McNuggets come in a little cardboard doghouse.

10> The bad news: Your drunken gibberish netted you an order of
French *flies*.
    The good news: It didn’t matter because
you were drunk.

 9> “Hold on, Honey… um, Miss Cleo predicts you’d
like to super-size that order.”

 8> “Vait!  Don’t disobey!  You VILL
super-size it!!”

 7> Ordered: Coke, burger and fries.
    Delivered: Goat liver and rice.

 6> “Would you like fries with that, overfed
war-mongering imperialist pig-dog?”

 5> Man, the sandwich order from that new deli is
taking FOREVER!

 4> Your Big Yak with extra cheese won’t fit in the car.

 3> “No, no, no, sir.  I am so sorry, but I
cannot allow you to partake of a sacred cow.  Vishnu would be
very displeased Please try the fish.”

 2> “… and your total comes to the annual income of
my entire village, Mr. Greedy American.”

 1> Two no-beef patties, curry sauce, lentils, curd,
chutney, saffron on a cardamom-seed naan.

            
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[   Copyright 2005 by Chris
White    ]

Un hombre entra a un

Un hombre entra a un bar y se sienta; en ese momento ve que llega un negro y se lleva a un tipo que estaba dormido a causa de la embriaguez. Intrigado, el reci�n llegado le pregunta al mesero:

��Por qu� ese negro se llev� a ese tipo?�

�Ese negro se lleva a todos los que se quedan dormidos y se los tira�.

��Qu� bueno que me avisa, no deje que me quede dormido!�

Confiado, el fulano comienza a beber, uno tras otro, hasta que se da cuenta de que est� cabeceando y decide pararle. De pronto, cuando despierta ve que se encuentra sobre los hombros del negro; asustado comienza a gritar:

��Ah, no, negro de mierda, a m� no me llevas!�

��C�llate, est�pido, que no te llevo te traigo!�

The religious bear.

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, “Dear Lord! Please give this bear some religion!”

The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said,
“Thank you, Lord, for this food I’m about to receive…”

My Dad Makes Money By…

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And, it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

Doctor Bloopers!

*** Actual “bloopers” Doctor’s have written on patient charts. ***

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
14. She is numb from her toes down.
15. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
16. The skin was moist and dry.
17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
19. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
22. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
23. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
24. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Always Been a Doubt

A man is talking to his best friend about married life.”You know,” he says, “I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there’s always that doubt.” His friend says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.”A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.”While I’m away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there’s always that doubt.” The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town. Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.”So did anything happen?””I have some bad news for you,” says the friend.”The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light.” “Then what happened?” says the man.”I don’t know. It was too dark to see.” “Damn, you see what I mean? There’s always that doubt.”