Q: How many rec.humor.funny

Q: How many rec.humor.funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They’re all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.

Drunk driver

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the
highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer.

”I can’t do that, officer.”

”Why not?”

´┐Ż´┐Żbecause I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that

”Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

”Can’t do that either, officer.”

”Why not?”

”Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

”Alright, we could get a blood sample.”

”Can’t do that either, officer.”

”Why not?”

”Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

”Fine then, just walk this white line.”

”Can’t do that either, officer.”

”Why not?”

”Because I’m drunk.”

The Drunk Man

One night, as a drunk man went up the stairs to go to bed after
a long night fell as he was half-way up. It so happened that
there was a glass bottle in the back pocket of his jeans, so
when he fell, he cut his bum.

The next time he tried, he got up. He went to get a bandaid and
went into the bathroom to stick it on. He finally got it stuck

The next morning, when he recovered from his drunkness, he felt
his bum, to find that the bandaid wasn’t there anymore.

He decided to finally get up and out of bed, and as he went into
the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, he saw a
bandaid on the mirror!

Little Johnny

And then there’s little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door.

Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad.

Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims – “Hah!, they got nerve…they sent “ME” to the doctor for sucking my thumb!”