truck

It was time for the sex talk to their kids, Little Johnny and Little Jane.

Each parent took a kid

THE mother told Little Jane that her private spot was a garage and no boy should stick their truck in it

The father took Little Johnny aside and told his piece was a truck and should be parked in a garage when he is old enough

After their respective talks, both kids went outside to play.

Little Johnny comes running and screaming and locked himself in the bathroom.

Jane comes in with blood all over her mouth. Her mom asked, “What on earth happened?!”

Jane said “Well, Johnny tried to park his truck in my garage so i bit off his back tires…”

Redneck quickies 34

You might be a redneck if…You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions. Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can’t find it. You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season. You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy. The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats. You’ve run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names. You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that’s holding it together. People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale. You’ve ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, “I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today.” Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.You think the internet is a new fishing tool. There’s a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it. Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar. You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.Your kids can’t go out for Hollween because there’s nobody within walking distance to get candy from.You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your “stuff” (cars, trucks building materials). Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper. The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?) Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, “just in case”.You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.

MATH THEOREM OF PYTHAGORAS

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an
island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for
years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out
to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle,
the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.

The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of
whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second
kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp
was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was
only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from
a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the
knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to
fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle
raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from
the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus
proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the
squares of the other two sides.

15 Things the ’98 in Windows ’98 Stands For

The number of floppies it will ship on.

The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.

The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.

The number of pages in the “EASY INSTALL” version of the manual.

The percentage of existing programs that won’t run in the new version.

The number of minutes to install.

The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.

The number of people who will actually pay for the upgrade.

The number of MHz required for the operating system to run.

The year it was due to ship.

The 98 stands for average CPH : Crash Per Hour.

Bill Gates’ age when it ships.

The number of days until Gates tries to sell you a newer OS.

The required number of megabytes of RAM to run at usable speed.

The percentage that will be complete on the shipping date.