“Darling,” a husband whispered to his wife late one night, “if I died, would you get married again?”
“I suppose so,” she replied.
“Would you sleep in the same bed with him?”
“Well, it’s the only bed in the house, so I have no choice.”
“Would you make love to him?”
“Honey,” the woman said patiently, “he would be my husband.”
“Would you give him my car?”
“No,” she yawned, “He can’t drive a stick shift.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, “You know, we have a
wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our
jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we’re on
the fire truck ready to go.
“From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I
want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all
night.” The next night he came home from work and yelled, “BELL 1!” The wife
promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled “BELL 2!”, the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled “BELL 3!”,
they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled “BELL 4!” “What the
hell is BELL 4?” asked the husband?
“ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,” she replied, “YOU’RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.”
Marriage for women has its ups and downs. How?
The toilet seat is up and the hubby’s sex interest is down.
Blonde,redhead,and a browhead boys all went up to a resturant the redhead went in and picked up a 5$ bill that was on a table then he heard a voice”I’m the ghost of Fable Able and that 5$ bill belongs on the table”” so he ran out and told the brownhead.So the brownhead went in and picked the 5$ bill up off the table and he heard a voice””I’m the ghost of Fable Able and that 5$ bill belongs on the table””so he ran out then the brownhead told the blonde.So the blonde went in and he picked up the 5$ bill up noff the table and heard the same voice””I’m the ghost of Fable Able and that 5$ bill belongs on the table””So he said “”I’M the son of Davey Crocett and his 5$ bill belongs in my pocket!””
After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Arky said to the doctor “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”
So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
Eating with Children
A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.
All during the sit-down dinner, the host’s three-year-old girl stared at her father’s boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.
He asked her, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, “My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don’t want to miss it!”
Yo moma so poor she told your little borther that Santa was dead.
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?A: They’ve been having turkey for years.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.”
With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, “Mama needs new clothes.” Then she yells, “YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON.”
She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll, anyway?”
The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching.”
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.