The height of…

Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.Height of Technology: A condom with a zip.Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.

Red haired schoolteacher

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. ‘Well, we’re a mite crowded, siknce there’s already someone in the spare room,’ replied the farmer. ‘But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher.”Look,’ said the tourist, ‘I want you to know I’m a gentleman.”Well,’ mused the farmer, ‘as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher.’

Deceptive qualifications

A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she
placed a personal ad that read: Rich Widow Looking for Man to Share Life and
Fortune with the Following Qualifications:

1. WON’T BEAT ME UP
2. WON’T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing
constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men
seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man,
with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, “Who
are you and what do you want?”

� Hi,” said the man “Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams.
I’ve got no arms, so I can’t beat you up and I’ve got no legs, so I can’t run
away.”

The old woman asked, “What makes you think you’re so great in bed?”

To which he replied, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Horse

A man walks into a bar, and sees a horse setting by a pot full of money.

He walked up to the bartender, and asked”whats the horse and money for?”

The bartender says”If you can make him do anything other then sit there, you can have all that money”

So, the man took the horse to the back room, and a few minutes later he came back and the horse was laughing. so he took the money and left.

A few years later the man came back, and the horse was still laughing. The bartender said if you can make him do anything else, you can have all the money next to him.

so the man took the horse to the back room again and a few minutes later he came back and the horse was crying.

the bartender said”You can have the money, but what did you do?”

The man leaned over and said”The first time I told him I had a bigger dick then him, then the second time I showed him”

A typical male

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to
give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what
she does with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her
hair done, new make up, buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for
the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him
because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf
clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she
presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him
because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the
$5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint
account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves
him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,
and then he married the one with the largest breasts.