Stand up nuts!

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well
behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of
the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director
said: “If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let
them in?” The General Director agreed.

The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Director
shouted: “Stand up, nuts!” Everyone stood up. “Sit down, nuts!”
Everyone sat down. “Look behind you, nuts!” Everyone turned around.

Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the third
inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion! People were running
helter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone had
called out: “Peanuts!”

At the Grandparent’s

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother replied, “No, but Gramma is!”