Devil and lawyer

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, and the souls of all your friends and law partners.”
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”

Religious truths

Remember, there are three religious truths:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian church.

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

Turnaround is fair play!

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200!?!”

Est�n Pepito y una ni�a

Est�n Pepito y una ni�a jugando juntos. Pepito le pregunta a su amiguita con aire de suficiencia:

“�Sabes c�mo se hacen los ni�os?”

“No, no lo s�”.

“Pues, mira, el pap� pone la semillita en la vagina de la mam�”.

“�Y luego?”

“Luego la empuja con el pene”.

We’re Rangers!

True story: A friend’s mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, “Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen’s ball?”

To that, he replied, “No ma’am. We’re Rangers! We don’t have any balls!” He continued to write down some information.

After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, “Never mind.” He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off – no ticket was issued.

How often?

The South Carolina couple planned to get married and went to the doctor for their blood test.

The M.D. then tried to explain to them about sex. The boy just listened with a dumb expression on his face.

So the doctor took his fiancee over to the examination table, had her lie down and then made love to her.

“Now do you understand?” asked the physician.

“Yeah,” said the boy. “But how often do I have to bring her in?”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by ���rt��