Will you marry me?

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can’t please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn’t found a lady yet who likes it and he can’t get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog, he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.

He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks “frog, will you marry me?” The frog says “no” And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, “Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it’s still too big.” So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: “Frog, will you marry me?” Frog: “No, I won’t marry you.”

The guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that’s still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: “Frog, will you marry me?”

Frog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!

Hunchback

HUNCHBACK’S WIFE: I’m getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Huchback goes to the doctor.

DOCTOR: I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops)

HUNCHBACK: I don’t like getting undressed.

DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you’ll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.)

HUNCHBACK: I don’t like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.

DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest ( woollen undergarment in UK ))

DOCTOR: How long is it since you were at school?

HUNCHBACK: Over 30 years. Why?

DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack

Mutilated X-Mas Carols

(To the tune of Deck The Halls)

See that drag queen his name’s Molly.

Fa La La La La La La La La

For 50 bucks he’ll make you jolly.

Fa La La La La La La La La

See him in his gay apparel.

Fa La La La La La La La La

You should meet his brother Carol.

Fa La La La La La La La La

(To The Tune Of We Wish You A Merry Christmas)

We wish you a happy hearing,

we wish you a happy hearing,

We wish you a happy hearing,

and we hope you make bail!

(To The Tune Of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer)

Rudolph the red nosed wino,

Had a very shiny nose,

And if you got too close to him,

He would take off his clothes.

All of the other winos,

Used to laugh and call him names,

They never let poor Rudolph,

Join in any wino games.

Then one chilly Christmas Eve,

Rudolph froze to death in an alley.

End of story.

(To The Tune Of Silent Night)

Friday night,

Holy night

Me and my chick

got into a fight,

Boy I miss her now that she’s gone,

I go and visit her at Forest Lawn,

Sleep in heavenly peace…

Sleep in heavenly peace.

(To The Tune Of Frosty The Snowman)

Frosty the cokehead was a crazed neurotic soul,

With a big glass pipe and a vial of crack,

And no sense of self control.

There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,

For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.

Frosty the cokehead doesn’t worry anymore,

Cuz when all is said,

and your cold and dead,

Then you never have to score.

(To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town)

Oh you better not shout,

you better not cry, You better not pout,

I’m tellin’ you why,

Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk.

He’s walkin’ real slow,

he slurs when he speaks,

I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks,

Daddy’s home and boy is he drunk,

He spent most of our money on Johnny Walker Black

And then he took all of the rest and lost it at the track.

Sooooooo…. You better not pout,

you better not cry,

I don’t like that look in his eye,

Daddy’s home and I think he’s….

Daddy’s home and boy is he…….

Daddy’s home and he’s really drunk!

The Top 13 International Ways to Leave Your Lover

13> Kick her in the rear, Vladamir.

12> Put the pedal to the metal, Gretel.

11> Fire up the Jaguar, Dagmar.

10> Tell her to shave her armpit hair, Pierre.

9> Put on her underpants, Hans.

8> Blow up her car, Moammar.

7> Complain about her cous-cous, Boutros-Boutros.

6> Push him in the Yangtze, Xiao Li.

5> Lock her in the john, Juan.

4> Ditch her at the Kabuki, Teruyuki.

3> Knock up another chick, Mick.

2> Tell her you’re gay, Jose.

1> Just show her that sore, Thor.

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List top5@topfive.com http://www.topfive.com ]