The First Stone

Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people.

“He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone.”

Just then a stone came flying from the back of the crowd and hit him hard on the head.

“Ouch, Dad! I hate when you do that!”

Funny Speach

This is an actual speech that a student gave to the entire
student
body for a friend to help him get elected to the student
government association.

“I know a man who is firm — he’s firm in his pants, he’s firm
in his shirt, his character is firm. but most… of all his
belief in you, the students fo Bethel is firm.”

“Jeff is a man who takes his point and pounds it in — If
necessary, he’ll take an issue and nail it to the wall. He
doesn’t attack things in spurts. he drives hard — pushing and
pushing until finally — he succeeds.”

“Jeff is a man who will go to the very end — even the climax,
for each and every one of you.”

“So vote for jeff for ASB Vice President — he’ll never come
between you and the best our high school can be.”

Clinton and the Genie

Bill Clinton is walking around in the White House when he stumbles upon a very old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Within seconds, a genie pops out
“I will grant you but one wish” the genie says.

Clinton thinks it over, and says, “I wish for peace in the middle east.”

“Where is that?” the genie asks.

Clinton pulls out a map and points to the mid-east.

“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long they’ve been fighting over there? There’s no way I can stop that! Pick another wish instead.”

Clinton thinks it over and says, “I wish that the American people wouldn’t make fun of me and my wife, and that I will be remembered as the best President of all time.”

The genie says, “Let me see that map again.”

Lost while hunting

Two men from Canada were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first man says to the other, ‘If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.’ After about three hours, the second man finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo. The next morning, the first man finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the first man if he did what he told him to do. The man answers, ‘Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.’