Just Trying to See Your Panties

Once there was this little boy and he was really perverted. He
liked to look up little girl’s skirts. One day he had a sucker
with him and he told this little girl that he would give her the
sucker if she would climb to the top of the monkey bars
(Unbeknownst to her, he was gonna look up her skirt). So the
little girl glimbed to the top and the little boy gave her the
sucker.

The little girl walked home that day and her mother immediately
noticed the sucker hanging out of her mouth. Her mother asked
her where she got the sucker and the little girl told her the
story of the little boy and the monkeybars. Her mother was
appalled and she scolded her little girl for falling for the
trick. She said “Don’t you know that little boy was just trying
to see you panties?”

The little girl went to school the next day and the little boy
offered her another sucker in exchange for her climbing to the
top of the monkey bars. She said, “My Mommie told me that all
you wanted to do was look at my panties-and I’m not going to let
you!”

Now the little boy was determined so he offered her a whole bag
of suckers and she accepted. She went home and her mother
scolded her again!

She went to school the next day datermined that the little boy
was not going to see her panties. But, he offered her 2 bags of
suckers and she gave in. That afternoon she went home and her
mother proceded to scold her again. “But mommy,” she said, “I
tricked him, I wasn’t wearing any panties today!”

The night before Y2K…

‘Taws the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation
We awaited The Bug,
The Millennium sensation.

The chips were replaced
In computers with care,
In hopes that old’ Buggy
Wouldn’t stop there.

While some folks could think
They were snug in their beds
Others had visions
Of dread in their heads.

And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac
Had just logged on the Net
And kicked back with a snack.

When over the server,
There arose such a clatter
I called Mister Gates
To see what was the matter.

But he was away,
So I flew like a flash
Off to my bank
To withdraw all my cash.

When what with my wandering eyes
Should I see?
My good old Mac
Looked sick to me.

The hack of all hackers
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be
The Y2K Bug!

His image downloaded
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
Let all systems fall!

Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compaq,
And Pentium too!

All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!

All the controls
That planes need for their flights
All microwaves, trains
And all traffic lights.

As I drew in my breath
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.

He was covered with fur,
And slung on his back
Was a sackful of virus,
Set for attack.

His eyes-how they twinkled!
His dimples-how merry!
As midnight approached, though
Things soon became scary.

He had a broad little face
And a round little belly,
And his sack filled with virus
Quivered like jelly.

He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
A new feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks,
Then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic
Soon went on the blink.

He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty cry,
Happy Y2K to all,
Kiss your PCs good-bye!

Sexual request

Olga, the Danish chambermaid at the Catskill mountain hotel, was constantly being chased by Hirshberg, one of the guests. Every time he got near her, she ran away from him.

One day he grabbed the pretty Dane and whispered his sexual request in her ear.

To his amazement, she agreed to meet him in his room that night.

“If you’re willing,” said the man, “why did you keep running away from me?”

“Well,” said the Danish girl, “all time I tink you vant extra towel!”

Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis

A young West Virginian girl

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father
said “No way! You’re going to By-God West Virginia Univ.”

Well, she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she
wrote home that she was getting married, to a man from Richmond, VA named
Clarence. Her father said “I’ll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from
Richmond, you’re marrying a By-God West Virginian boy,” so he sent his two sons
to UVA to get their sister.

In a couple of days they returned. The confused father asked, “Where is your
sister?”
They replied “We were almost there Dad, but we got to this overpass with a
sign that said ‘Clarence 13’6” so we turned around and drove the hell out of
there!”

Men

Man to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God to Man: “So you would love her.”
“But God”, Man says, “why did you make her so dumb?”
God replies: “So she would love you.”

God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough
draft before creating a masterpiece.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friends.
Dogs are man’s best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Single women complain that all good men are married, while all
Married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms
that there is no such thing as a good man.

Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the
male gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids

What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

What’s the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

How are men like noodles?
They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need
dough.

Why do men like BMWs?
They can spell it.

What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Why are men and spray paint alike?
One squeeze and they’re all over you.

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Why is food better than men?
Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5
minutes.

Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months
or 10,000 miles, whichever came first.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second
date?
Slow.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.