A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.”Why all the attention ?” the friend asked.”You look fine to me.””I know !” grinned the patient.”But the Nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches.”
A Irishman went to the doctors with a hole in his earlobe and blisters all over his feet, the doctor asked: “What happened paddy?”Paddy replied, “I was opening a pudding an’ it said on the packet pierce ere and stand in boiling water”
A guy walks into a whore house and asks what can I get for a dollar. The guy says floor three room two to your left. He goes there and a old woman answers the door. So they start doing it and the guy says this is dry what can you do to make this better. The woman says all be back in a minuet. A half an hour later she comes out and they do it. When there done the guy says thats my kind of women, what did you do. The lady says I piked all my scabs and let the puss run out.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Q:What is the difference between a blonde and a mesquito?
A:The mesqito stops sucking when you slap it.
Drummers do it with rhythm.
I can go golfing today , cauz my car wont budge
What kinda car do ya hav
1945 – we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home. 2000 – they put the real thing in the cockpit. 1945 – your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive. 2000 – she is in the same trench praying your condom worked. 1945 – medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own. 2000 – medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters. 1945 – a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people. 2000 – a commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt. 1945 – wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories. 2000 – wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.1945 – all you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again. 2000 – all you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.
Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to see his son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House.
Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more Bush in the White House.
An Illinois man who left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in
Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the
next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail
address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When
the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out
a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. You�re
P.S: Sure is hot down here.