The knot

A string walks into a bar and asks the waiter for a beer.

The waiter says, “I am sorry but we can’t serve strings here.”

The string goes home, ties him in a knot, and messes up his hair. He goes back
to the bar about an hour later, sits down and says, “Waiter, give me a beer.”

The waiter says,”Hey aren’t you the string who came in here earlier.”

The knot replies, “No, I’m a fraud knot.”

Alaskan drunk goes fishing

A drunken guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. So he packs up his stuff
and goes out onto the ice.

He starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, “YOU WILL
FIND NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE!”

The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice repeats, “YOU WILL
FIND NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The drunk looks up and says, “God? Is this God trying to warn me?”

The voice says, “NO, I’M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK.”

Slammin ‘em down!

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka.”

The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife!”

Wife Control

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed.

“What happened then?” they asked.

She said, �Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.”