Donations needed

A Marine Colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, nothing is moving.”

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, “Excuse me, Officer, what seems to be the hold up?”

The officer replies, “The President is just so depressed that Hillary has moved to New York, and may leave him altogether that he just stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway, and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire.

He says his family absolutely hates him and he doesn’t have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers for that whole Monica and Paula thing.

So I’m walking around taking up a collection for him.”

“Oh really? How much have you collected so far?”

“So far about three hundred gallons, but I’ve got a lot of folks still siphoning.”

Submitted by NCrespi
Edited by calamjo

President of Iraq

The new president of Iraq said that he has some good news and some bad news!

The good news is that U.S. troops will probably be out of that country in two years.

…The bad news is they’ll be next door in Iran

Condom Emergency

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom
factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried; “My people’s favorite form
of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power
to help you.”, replied the President.

“I do need your help,” said Yeltsin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tie us over?”

“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!”, said Clinton. “Oh, and one more small
favor, please?”, said Yeltsin.

“Yes?”, replied the President.

“Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”
said Yeltsin.

“No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called
the President of Trojan condoms. “I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000
condoms right away and send them to Russia.”

“Consider it done´┐Ż, said the President of Trojan.

“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

“Easily done. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” said the President, “Print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each

Hillary home early

One small plane flies into restricted airspace and did you see all the people rushing out of the Capital? It was unbelievable.

That was the fastest Congress ever moved that didn’t involve giving themselves a pay raise.

What was really scary was Tom DeLay. He had to get 25 family members on the payroll out of there.

There hasn’t been this kind of panic and evacuation in the White House since that night in ’98 when Hillary came home early.