Your arsenal is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting shagged.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Princess Di’s death was just another obituary.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. ‘Nuff said…
You don’t give a f**k if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubes.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at your chest when you’re
talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn films are designed with you in mind.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So