One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class
that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who
answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday the teacher asks: “How many grains of sand are on the
beach?”” needless to say
A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a house. A kid, about 12 years old, answers the door. He’s wearing a pink tutu, has a cigar in one hand, and a martini in the other.
The salesman is a little taken back, so he asks,
‘Excuse me, son, are your parents home?’
The kid takes a big puff on the cigar and answers, ‘What the f*** do you think?’
16> Hop on Pop Star
15> Willy Wanker and the Chocolate-Flavored Lotion
14> The Little Roadie Who Couldn’t
13> Snow White and Her Gay Cult Following
12> Curious George and the Big Cone Bra
11> Heather Has a Long String Of Cheap, Meaningless Daddies
10> The Amazing Adventures of Harry Beaver
9> Harlot’s Web
8> The Singing Princess and the Ever-Exasperated Acting Coach
7> The Three Pointy Bras Gruff
6> And to Think That I Saw It in a Men’s Room Stall in a Club
on Mulberry Street
5> Are You There, Lucifer? It’s Me, Madonna.
4> Goodnight Moon. As for *You* Ted, Jack, Stan, Chloe, Princess Jasmine, and the One Over There in the Crotchless Fed-Ex Uniform… Follow Me Upstairs.
3> Hairy Partner and the Leather-Clad Dominatrix
2> Goldislut and the Two Illegitimate Children
1> Clifford with the Big Red Dong
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Rita book, you might learn something.
Police open the door, I’m tired of knocking.
Henrietta worm that was in his apple.
Carrie on with what you’re doing, I’m at the wrong door.
Anita drink of water.
Dwain the bathtub, I’m dwrowning.
There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, “What is a penis?”
The boy replied, “I don’t know.” At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch.
Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, “What is a penis?”
The dad whips his out and says to the boy, “This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis.”
The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods.
The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, “This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children’s soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn’t be able to take my turn.
A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn’t mention anything about his father’s whereabouts.
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed.
“Yes,” he replied, “she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don’t worry. I told her I didn’t know!”
How many kids with ADD does it take to skrew in a lightbulb? Want to go ride a bike?
Psychiatrist: What is your problem? Patient: I think I’m a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
Little Jonny asked his mother “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?”
“Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother
Little Jonny answered ” The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary.”
For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle.
His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”
The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Johnny told him, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I’ll be damned if I’m sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis