Golf Genie

Golf Genie
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on
the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her
shot and the ball began to slice – her shot was headed directly at a very
large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through
the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to
see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they
peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out
and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small
gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. The wife asked
the man, “Do you live here?”” “”No

Discouraged?

As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local little
league baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I
sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys
what the score was. “We’re behind 14 to nothing,” he answered with a
smile. “Really,” I said. “I have to say you don’t look very discouraged.”
“Discouraged?” the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. “Why should
we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet.”

Gorilla Golfer

There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game.
One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, “I’ve been trying to beat you for so long that I’m about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you’re game, I’d like to try to get back all the money I’ve lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?”

The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. “After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?” he thought.

Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole.

The guy turns to his friend and says “That’s incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, I’ve seen enough. I’ve got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink; better make it a double, and I’ll write you a check.”

After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, “By the way, how’s that gorilla’s putting?”

The other guy replies, “Same as his driving.”

“That good, huh?”

“No, I mean, he hits putts the same way – 450 yards, right down the middle!”

Picked for the school team

“Dad, dad!” cried Philip, as he arrived home one evening. “I think I’ve been
selected for the school football team.”
“That’s good,” said his father. “But why do you only think you’ve been
selected? Aren’t you sure? What position are you playing?”
“Well,” replied Philip, “it’s not been announced officially, but I overheard
the football coach tell my teacher that if I was in the team I’d be a great
draw-back.”

Principles of good sportsmanship

“Look, Bobby,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship.
You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the
umpire, or abusive language.”

“Yes, sir, I understand.”

“Good, Bobby. Now. would you please explain that to your mother.”

Another Anthrax Scare

CORVALLIS, OREGON: Oregon State football practice was delayed yesterday for two hours.

One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head Coach Dennis Erickson immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Dallas Cowboys

Q:What do you say to a Dallas Cowboy in a suit?

A:And how does the defendent wish to plead?

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?

A: A huddle

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?

A: The police

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin get in a huddle on the field anymore?

A: It’s a parole violation to associate with known felons.