A blonde walks in Bernie’s, and asks to buy a t.v. The owner says,” I don’t sell them to blondes. She left
Your arsenal is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting shagged.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Princess Di’s death was just another obituary.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. ‘Nuff said…
You don’t give a f**k if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubes.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at your chest when you’re
talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn films are designed with you in mind.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So
there was a guy who had to use the bathroom really bad and the men’s line was too long
so he asks the lady if he can use the womens and she said “yes just dont touch any buttons””
he said “”ok i wont””
so he goes in and sits down
President Bush go’s to Superman and says
Jimmy was in kindergarten and had to go to the bathroom. His teacher made him recite the alphabet before going to the bathroom. “ok””
There were three daughters who wanted to know how they got they’re names. So the first daughter asks her father, “Daddy
once upon a time their was a boy named jason.Everyone called him retarded because he acted retarted.They went to the zoo and the first thing they went to go see was the sharks.One boy said” what is that with the sharp teeth””
There once was an old lady she went to the doctor and told the doctor, ” I have a farting problem
Joe and Bill are working in a sawmill when Bill accidentally saws his arm off. Joe takes the arm, puts it in a plastic bag, and takes Joe to hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill in rehab playing tennis. Wow, the wonders of modern science,”Joe says. They go back to the sawmill and are sawing away when this time clumsy Bill cuts his leg. Joe takes the leg
One day a boy’s mom wanted to walk him to the bus stop. This boy’s mom was really fat. He said,”Momma